So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize