i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
