I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
