dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Panties = found
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
