yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
