I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
