mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
