Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
