what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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