Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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