Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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