Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
