ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
