you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize