im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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