if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
