just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
