I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize