You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
