omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
