The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
