best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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