she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
