So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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