I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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