I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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