In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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