Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
