My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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