do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
