This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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