You just made me feel so damn special
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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