I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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