thus making me awesome and them whores
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
