Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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