eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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