I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
