Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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