Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
