So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This beer is not sobering me up at all
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i now understand why vodka
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
