Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
