i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
