I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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