my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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