I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
