I hope mine doesn't look like that
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My vagina is officially offended.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
