I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
