I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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