Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
