She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
