Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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