Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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