I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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