How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize