Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
