i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
