I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
