Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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