Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
