i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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